Find out how to Win Pals and Affect Individuals might have offered tens of thousands and thousands of copies, however its creator, Dale Carnegie, wasn’t born a whole pure at embodying the ideas the e book espouses. As an alternative, the nice and cozy, low-key attraction Carnegie was identified for throughout his life was developed by way of intentional and constant effort and observe.
One of many instruments Carnegie used to hone his social prowess was a folder he saved referred to as “Damned Idiot Issues I Have Executed.” As detailed in his biography, when he made some sort of social misstep that mirrored a conduct or high quality he wished to enhance, he wrote down the incident and filed it away. “I put in that folder, month after month, written information of the damned idiot issues I’ve been responsible of,” Carnegie mentioned. “I generally dictate these memos to my secretary, however generally they’re so private, so silly, that I’m ashamed to dictate them, so I write them in longhand.”
Carnegie’s “D.F.T” folder contained information of the occasions he caught his foot in his mouth, dedicated a fake pas, made somebody really feel awkward, gave into laziness, arrived someplace late, bungled a dialog, procrastinated, misplaced his mood or endurance, and so forth.
One in every of its entries mentioned: “Wasted ten minutes in an pointless harangue with the cellphone firm about their shortcomings.”
One other learn: “H.P. Gant made a unprecedented success as toastmaster tonight. I ought to have complimented him extremely, however I used to be so absorbed in myself that I uncared for to say any phrases of appreciation.”
When an workplace clerk was sluggish to assist him, Carnegie made this report of the interplay: “I used to be peeved. My voice confirmed it. I irritated the clerk and obtained very poor service in return…It affected nothing fascinating no matter. I, who take cash from individuals for telling them the best way to deal with human nature, was as crude and ineffective as a caveman. I used to be ashamed of the incident.”
Beneath an entry he labeled “Don’t make sweeping statements which will offend somebody,” Carnegie wrote: “I mentioned, whereas instructing the 5-7 PM class, that ‘all Tammany politicians are crooks,’ or one thing almost that. Joseph Davern, an ardent Catholic, took a sense of exception to it. It was simply on the time that non secular controversy concerning Al Smith’s faith was creating. Davern made a most wonderful speech on tolerance, decrying the truth that I ought to make such an unguarded and unfounded accusation. I apologized.”
Whereas the recommendation usually given in the present day is to not dwell on one’s errors, Carnegie thought it was greatest to get your shortcomings out within the open and confront their cringe-inducing actuality head-on. If embarrassing social failings solely pop into your head whilst you’re mendacity in mattress at evening, after which get shortly pushed out of the thoughts, it’s not doable to be taught from previous foibles and work out the best way to get higher sooner or later. For Carnegie, writing down his deficiencies after which frequently reviewing the contents of his Damned Idiot Issues I’ve Executed folder was a useful behavior — akin to the religious observe of self-examination. As he noticed:
After I get out my D.F.T. folders and re-read the criticisms I’ve written of myself, they do extra to assist and direct me than something Solomon may have written. They assist me to cope with the most important downside I shall ever face: the administration of Dale Carnegie.
For extra insights from Carnegie on the best way to develop your social prowess, take heed to this episode of the AoM podcast: